I’ve been thinking a lot about balance lately. Just 8 days into the New Year, I’m trying to seek out what it is that I am needing to spend more time and attention on in the next 12 months that I somehow lacked in the past 12. This is when I find myself questioning those feelings that make me feel like I wasn’t enough in 2017–didn’t do enough, didn’t say enough, didn’t do this or that enough and then the negative self-talk starts to set in. How is it so easy to get to that place? Before I know it, I find myself stuck in a rut and completely off the positive thinking train going no where fast. Anyone else feel the same way? If this is you too, grab a seat and join the club. We’re all welcome here and discrimination is not a thing.
To be 100% honest and totally transparent, as I always hope to be, I want to let you in on not just the positive, determined, goal digger mindset that is a huge part of me– but the raw and real parts too. As a blogger, you willingly put yourself out there in “internet land” and let people basically peek into your window on a daily basis as to what’s going on with you. It can be easy to let people see the good things, or what some call the “highlight reel” of life, but then there’s also a whole other side of life that goes on 97% of the rest of the days. When you come to my blog, I want you to be able to see all of those things do in fact exist in my world, the good, the bad and the ugly. Especially considering the fact that I am human…after all…
If you were to take a glance through my “life” windows you’d most likely be able to see that running in circles is my idea of fun. I have one too many conversations with my dogs as if they’re human, while I eat my fair share of chocolate followed up with a carrot or two (sometimes). You’ll also see the whole “navigating the real estate and renovation” thing with my boyfriend, Nick, as we turn not-so-pretty houses into homes again. We’re nothing extraordinary and probably the definition of basic to a “T”, but there’s A LOT MORE that goes on, if you were to maybe, open the actual front door and see what’s inside–instead of just taking a peek through our windows. That is, if you want to, of course…
I don’t ever want to pretend or come off as someone who has all their ducks in a row, because that wouldn’t be anything close to my reality. To be honest though, who really does have their ducks all lined up nicely in a row? That’s impossible and not just something I tell myself to feel better, right? I am and will always be that girl who is on a mission to seek out the good stuff in life, but I’m also human and face challenges with the best of them. That doesn’t mean I don’t give up a good fight, as I try my best to roll with the punches. But, the truth is that there are days when more tears flow than sweat. There are days when running and healthy eating sound like the worst idea I’ve ever come up with and chicken nuggets and fries with Netflix binging sounds like a way better plan of attack to life instead. Sometimes, that latter part wins more often than not and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles….I won’t ever sit here and say that I’m perfect and definitely won’t ever claim to be! This can all sometimes lead to a form of self-induced guilt that maybe I’m not living up to my own expectations, which leaves me feeling completely out of balance.
I also struggle hard with feeling like I’m falling short at being the best 28-year-old I can be, who just can’t seem to get life right most of the time. I have been the victim of the comparison games one too many times, and have let myself fall down THAT deep dark rabbit hole more times than I can count. I’ve questioned what on earth is the reasoning behind the hills and the valley’s of life and why things happen the way they do. I’ve questioned it all at some point or another, and I have no shame in that either! In the end, I know that these curiosities and experiences I’ve faced are all a part of the big picture and what makes me, just me.
It’s a constant daily challenge to stay focused on the things I am doing right instead of the things I’m falling short at. I’ve always been my toughest critic and can literally knock myself down so quickly without even realizing I’m doing it. I know, that I’m not the best cook around town, am first to admit that running fast isn’t my forte and painting the tiny details of the trim work in these houses really isn’t a color in my talent crayon box. There are countless things that I am not the best at, and I’m learning to not let those thoughts carry more weight than they should and completely throw me off balance.
I’m a constant work in progress, striving for balance in all kinds of ways. Most days, I find myself unsure of where to even begin with it all, but I know it has to start somewhere. While I can see the things that I may not be winning a shiny golden trophy for, I have to constantly remember to remind myself that are plenty of other things that I am more than enough of. Not just the whole “I can eat an entire vanilla parfait faster than anyone I know without batting an eye thing…But the real life stuff that I’m winning at too. I can be a real life cheerleader for those around me and like to think I am a pretty awesome dog mom too, just to name a few! I can even make spaghetti taste pretty darn fantastic if you need.
I say all of that not to just brag about my spaghetti making skills and all, but to say that it’s okay to know that we’re all TRYING. Sometimes we fall short in those trying efforts, but that’s OKAY! And you know what else? I’d rather go out trying my hardest than doing nothing at all. I am constantly and most likely will always be, on a mission to seek out a way to stand strong and brave in the midst of it all, trying my hardest to BE my best. I may not win ALL the fights and I may not slay ALL the dragons from morning to night, but I will always be there giving it my best shot seeking consistent balance through it all.
I want to actively choose to spend my energy on creating a better balance as I know life happens and the mountains are bound to be faced at one time or another. The pendulum is always swinging one way or another, sometimes heavier on one side than the other. It’s just a matter of finding a way to bring it all back to the middle more often than not. Maybe the mountain will still be tough to climb, but that’s why they make oxygen tanks filled with faith and courage! That’s what makes the pinnacle so much sweeter, when we can look down and see all that we navigated through to get to where we are, at the top with balance, bravery and strength. Then, we climb onto the next, and the next one after that, only to see how much we’ve grown stronger with each step along the way.
I hope you know that when you come to my blog that you’re getting the real me, in all forms. I’m not and won’t ever pretend to be someone that I’m not. There will be days when I’ll be a fitness maniac with a giant green smoothie in one hand and a paint brush in the other working away at our renovation projects. Then, there will be days when I’ll be eating like a 5th grader while binge watching Netflix avoiding life like the plague. Some days, I can be on top of my game and some days I prefer to sit on the sidelines. Really though, sometimes that’s exactly what we need-grace and rest, while slowing down for a bit instead of living life in the fast lane 100% of the time.
Life is what it is, and I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re the only one struggling to find a balance to it all, if that’s what you’re thinking. I believe we’re all trying to balance our pendulum on a daily basis, while some carries more weight than others depending on our current circumstances. We’re all “participating relentlessly” to seek what gives us joy from the inside out while we navigate life’s journey.
I believe that the real key to seeking out true balance is remaining aware of the weight that we’re carrying around, and remembering that there’s ALWAYS going to be grace if we happen to fall short of expectations. It’s all going to be okay in the end, and the pendulum will eventually swing back the other direction in due time. I just want to actively choose to put more energy behind pushing it back towards the middle when I can….so that’s what I’ll strive to do. No more self-induced guilt making me feel like I’m not enough in one way or another and I hope you’ll feel that same way too.
In 2018, I hope to share more of the raw and real with you, as it is what life is about. Taking chances and being vulnerable is what keeps us moving forward in the direction of our passions. I’m opening ALL the doors AND windows and letting the sunshine and fresh air in! I want to live the healthiest and happiest life I can, which will always include a happy medium somewhere between life’s mountain tops and low valleys with a few chocolate chips for fuel to navigate the climb.
Wishing you all so much peace, joy and balance as this New Year takes flight! And always remember, “ruin is a gift. “It’s the road to transformation”. If your mountain is crumbling more often than not, pick up the rocks and start to rebuild it all over again. Slowly, but surely that transformation is going to happen and peace will set in along the way. Balance will make its way in and all will keep moving onward and upward and that pendulum will always keep on swinging.
Questions for YOU today: (Comment below with your thoughts!)
What’s one thing that you do to keep balance in life?
What will the highlight of your Monday be?
Each of these quotes are from two of my most favorite movies of all time–Eat, Pray, Love, and You’ve Got Mail.” Tell me you’ve seen them both, haven’t you?